Friday, December 28, 2012

New year, same me

There are thousands of things I could do better. But this New Year I want to blog more, eat less and really focus on doing things for the right reasons. Be more intentional. That's all. Totally doable, right?

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Today it hit me

The reality of the tragedy in Newtown, CT did not hit me until today. As I reached for the door at my girls' school to find it locked and someone standing guard, it finally hit me. It was a completely out of body experience. And for a moment I didn't want to be in this world. I didn't want to be in a place where something like this could happen. I just didn't want to BE. 

But I am here. And it happened. And I knew I needed to think about it more. To pray about it, to process it. Because as much as I've avoided the news and tried to pretend I didn't see their faces, what happened 6 days ago affected every person on this planet. Not because we knew those children or the teachers or anyone in Newtown. But because the innocence of so many children was stripped away this day. Like a child that's abused and learns about sex way too soon, we had to talk to our children and rob them of their innocence by letting them know there are people out there who could hurt them.

It was like someone threw a cup of ice cold water in my face. This world is sick. And I am really struggling with the fact that I've brought 3 of my own little children into this.

So tonight we prayed. We lit 20 candles for the children lost, and Madeline and I prayed.

"Dear Lord, Please help me in this time of loss and overwhelming grief. I don't understand why the world is filled with grief and heartache. I turn to you as I seek to find the strength to trust in your faithfulness. I will wait on you and not despair; I will quietly wait for your salvation. My heart is crushed but I know that you will not abandon me forever. Help me through the pain so that I will hope in you again. I believe this promise in your Word to send me fresh mercy each day."

Psalm 34:18 says "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." 

Crushed in spirit.

I'm not a person that strains their neck to try and see the carnage when I drive by a car accident. I hope and pray that everyone is ok and move on. We are never going to make any sense of how someone could do what happened at Sandy Hook. But we can hope and pray for the families and community and try to move on. 

Sunday, December 16, 2012


Praying for Newton. Because I know that is the only thing I can do.

Holding my children extra close today. Thankful for my family. Praying the families can somehow go on.

Newton is grieving. The world is grieving. God is grieving. I wonder what he's thinking right now. So much negativity towards Him right now. People ask "how could God let this happen?" We still have free will. I believe with all my heart that God tried to stop this. We don't know what obstacles he put in the way.

By faith I know the He is grieving more than we could ever imagine.